Some people never change
by FrankU4TheVenom
Summary: This is my second fanfic. It explains the 'real reason' why Ryan and Jon left the band, Panic! at the Disco. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Brendon. Get up there! The interview is about to start, dude. Everyone's waiting." Zack shouted at me. I understood exactly what he had said but I chose to ignore him. The phonecall earlier made me think about my life, the band and most importantly, Ryan and Jon. I had been thinking about it all day. I wanted to talk to someone about it but no one would really understand. Well, maybe Spencer would. He respected me and knew the truth so what was stopping me? Hmm, this interview. That was what was stopping me right now. All I wanted to do was sit down in the tour bus with a nice coffee and think about what Ryan had said to me. He sounded so... so sad. I don't know. It was complicated.

"Brendon? You okay, babe?" It was Sarah. She obviously knew something was up. I could tell by the tone of her voice and the way she looked at me. She was worried. I was worried. Sarah could never find out the truth though. It would break her heart. I had to make her think I was fine. So I did.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just... tired, you know?" I lied. I hated lying to her but what else could I do? I jumped up from the small stool I was sitting on and ran over to the interviewer and shook his hand. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Hey, man. Sorry I'm late. " I said with a reassuring smile. The guy nodded and mumbled something I couldn't understand. Not that he was being rude or anything, I just couldn't be bothered listening. It really wasn't a good time for an interview.

"Brendon? What's up with you?" Spencer whispered. Oh shit, the interview had started and I wasn't paying attention. Oh great...

"I'm sorry. Just tired. Um, what was the question again?" I asked politely.

"Oh, it wasn't for the interview. I just wanted to say congratulations on your engagement." The interviewer said with a weak smile. He didn't seem very patient anymore. He just wanted some answers for his interview.

"Oh, yeah..." Sarah. That was the last thing I wanted on my mind right now. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarah but thinking of her leads to other things... things like Ryan. "thanks." I said eventually.

The interview went on for another few minutes and then before I knew it Sarah was at my side, hugging me.

"Are you sure you're okay, babe? You don't look too well today. Let's take a walk." she said just before she placed a kiss on my cheek. I hugged her as tight as I could. All I really needed now was a hug. I just wanted to forget but it was impossible. I thought Ryan had forgotten but not even Mr Ryan Ross could forget about the past - about us.

Within ten minutes we were in the tour bus, alone. Spencer and Ian had both gone shopping - yeah, shopping. I couldn't believe it either!- and Dallon and the rest had taken the day off to see their families. It would have been nice to be alone in the tour bus with Sarah if I was in a good mood but I wasn't.

"Okay, talk to me. You can't keep this from me. I know something's wrong. Tell me about it." Sarah said after ten awkward minutes of silence.

Oh god, why? I didn't want to explain this now. Maybe one day I could open up and tell her the truth but not right now. I had to speak to Ryan in person first. I had to make sure he wasn't lying.

"It's alot of things, Sarah. I can't explain them all right now though. I need some time." I didn't know what else to say. Sarah looked like she was going to burst into tears so I embraced her and held her close to my body for a while whilst she quietly cried into my blazer.

"Don't you trust me? I... love you-" I had to interrupt her. She was sobbing so much now.

"Ssshh. Of course I do. And I love you with all my heart. I just... I have alot to think about. I will tell you... just not now. Don't ever think I won't tell you though. I will. I'll tell you when the time is right."

Wait, had I really just said that I'd tell her about me and Ryan's relationship one day? Why the hell did I say that? How was I going to explain that he wanted me back all of a sudden? I couldn't. But then again, I couldn't lie to Sarah. I had to be truthful.

I'd tell her. I'd tell her tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

The telephone had been ringing for a few seconds and I was already nervous. I had thought this through the whole night after Sarah had left the bus in a bad mood. It was best to get this done and finally have a proper conversation with Ryan. It was hard to take everything in. Why had he called me all of a sudden? Just because he wanted me back? Uh, I don't think so. He probably wanted something. Ryan always had a reason.

"Brendon?" I heard an unfamiliar voice ask. This wasn't Ryan.

"Uh, yeah. Who is this? I'm looking for Ryan." I said awkwardly to the stranger on the phone.

"This is Deena. Ryan's in the shower right now. Can I help?"

Ryan was in the shower? And who was this girl answering his phone? Deena? I'd never heard him mention anyone called Deena. I swallowed and thought carefully about my next move. I didn't want to be too nasty to this woman. I didn't even know her.

"Sorry, this might come across as a bit rude but... who are you?" I finally asked after a good twenty seconds of silence.

"My name's Deena, like I said. I'm Ryan's girlfriend. Well, kind of. Umm, I'm guessing you're the famous Brendon Urie? Uh, hey. Ryan talks about you alot!" Deena sounded pretty happy on the phone. She seemed... nice. Oh god, who am I kidding? She sounded like a dumb whore. Wait, Ryan talked about me alot? aww. That sounded so sweet. It made me smile just thinking about it. But then a few seconds later, the smile disappeared. I thought back to a few months ago. The times when Ryan only mentioned my name when he was making fun of me to his new friends. That's probably how she'd heard my name.

"Yeah, this is Brendon." I cleared my throat. "Look, just tell Ryan that he needs to call me again soon. He wasn't very clear in his last phonecall. Oh, and let him know that he has a lovely girlfriend. He knows my number. I expect a phone-" and then I heard Ryan in the background and stopped in my tracks.

_'Give me the fucking phone, Deena! That's my phone. You have no right to be looking at it! Are you talking to someone? Give it here!"- _I heard faintly.

"Hello? Is this one of Deena's friends? Listen, just fuck off before I get really mad. Alright? Now is not a good time!" Oh my god. It was Ryan. It was really Ryan. My Ryan. Mad Ryan.

"No, it's me." I said before it was too late. I'd left him speechless. Then I heard him yell at his so-called girlfriend to leave the room and the door slammed shut loudly.

"Bren... Brendon?" I knew he wanted to call me Brenny like the good old days but it was too soon. He had broken my heart and I had broken his. We had to stay serious for once, just once.

"I can't believe it's you. I thought you were going to ignore me. This is incredible, babe- uh, Brendon. I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I've missed you so much. I've missed being with you. Like I said before, I love you. I want to do it better this time. I just want you to give me another chance. I've forgiven you for chosing Sarah. She is great for you. And she trusts you and would never betray you. I really don't blame you for that but... I still think I'm better for you than her. Please trust me. I love-"

"No." I said softly. I immediately regretted saying it. It was the truth but it was hard telling the truth to Ryan sometimes.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Ryan asked.

I guess I had to be truthful so I just said, "Don't tell me you love me. It's not enough anymore. You lied to me AGAIN. You told me in your last phonecall that you wanted to start over, right? Well why the fuck haven't you broken up with your fucking girlfriend? Well?"

"I didn't lie. Deena's not my girlfriend, okay? She's my cousin's best friend. My cousin told me she liked a few Panic! songs so I offered for her to come over and chill with me for a bit. I swear nothing else happened. She's dumb as fuck. I wouldn't date her. Come on! You know me!"

Was this true? Deena said that they were going out. Who was I to believe: a random chick on the phone that claimed to be Ryan's girl or Ryan himself, the guy I once loved and would do anything for?

Ryan.

"I'm sorry. That was stupid. Of course you're not dating her... I wanna talk about this one on one in person. Are you free this evening?" I asked before I became to shy to say anything at all.

"Yeah, I'm free. My place?"

If he really loved me it wouldn't matter at all where we went. If, however, he was just using me for sex then he'd want to go to his house so we could hook up. We couldn't do anything at mine because I was on the tour bus. Everyone would know in no time. But I didn't wanna hook up. I wanted to talk to him.

"Hm, what about my place? Wouldn't it be good to catch up with the guys again? Spencer misses seeing you." That was the plan. If he refused to go to mine then he was obviously just using me. If he did want to come then maybe he wanted something else - like a proper relationship.

I waiting patiently for his reply. What did he really want from me?


	3. Chapter 3

"Uh, I don't mind. I mean, I'd really like to see Spence and the-"

"Great!" I said with a grin on my face. I was really happy with his answer. This meant that he wanted to talk. Maybe he was serious about us... again.

"Um, I wouldn't mind seeing Sarah either. She's... nice." That wiped the smile of my face. Ryan complimenting Sarah? Wow, I never expected that. Something was wrong. Not that I was bothered by it (If anything, I should have been happy but I just didn't expect to hear Ryan say anything positive about her). From the minute they met he hated her guts. She's the person who broke us apart. No wonder he hated the girl.

"Wait. You wanna see Sarah? Why?" I asked curiously.

"I don't just wanna see her, Brendon. I'd love to talk to her. Afterall, we have more in common than I thought." Ryan hesitated but after a few seconds he carried on. "I mean, we both love you. We both love you with all our hearts."

I closed my eyes and thought about what Ryan had just said for a moment. Those words 'we both love you'... It made my decision a whole lot harder. Sarah obviously cared about me and I loved her too but Ryan was unique. Way different to anyone I'd ever been with before. He understood me in a way no one else could. He was special and I loved him. How on earth was I going to break the news to Sarah and tell her that Ryan and I were in love? We'd always been in love with each other and we couldn't stand being apart and Sarah was the only thing getting in our way. I couldn't tell her that. I had to say something different. I don't know what I'd tell her but I wanted to tell her everything tonight. Maybe Ryan could help me out.

"Hey, are you still there?" Ryan asked softly. "I'm sorry. It's the truth. I want to be with you. Things were going great a few years ago. Remember those days, Brenny? Please don't tell me you don't want me. You know what I did the last time that happened. Don't put me through that again."

Memories. Lots of memories were coming back to me. I had to properly sit down and think this through.

"Look, Ryan. I'm gonna call you back later. I need to sit down and think about... us." I ended the call as fast as I could and ran to my bunk and pulled the curtains. I cried there for a few minutes and then finally wiped my face clean with the back of my hand and pulled the bed covers over my head. I needed a rest. I was so, so tired...

I wasn't awake but it felt so real. It felt so familiar. I was still in bed in the dream but it was a different bed. It was Ryan's. I was lying in his bed at his house, without Ryan. I looked around but I he was nowhere to be seen. That's when my phone started ringing. I answered and said hello. It was Ryan. Oh wait, this had happened before. No, no. I knew what was going to happen. It was exactly the same as-

The phone started ringing. I knew it would be Ryan before I picked up the phone.

"Ryan." I said. It wasn't a question. I knew it would be him. I knew where this conversation was going. It had happened before. Before I knew it, the words were coming out of my mouth. The exact same words as a few years ago. Why couldn't I stop this from happening? I wanted to wake up right now and forget about this forever. It was one big nightmare and I couldn't escape.

"I thought you loved me, Brendon. I really thought you loved me but I saw you with her. That BITCH! I saw you with her this morning. You two kissed! Don't tell me I've got it wrong. I saw everything! I actually thought you cared about me but you don't give a shit! You probably arranged this all so you could have both of us but it's not gonna fucking work! You lied. You told me you loved me... I BELIEVED YOU TOO!"

Oh shit, why did I have to relive this? I'd been through it before. Once was enough.

"I thought we said no secrets? I guess I was wrong..."

Then everything went black. I still wasn't awake. I slowly turned around. I was outside the building. That building I hated. The place it all happened. There were paramedics and police officers everywhere. All of them for Ryan. This was the place he had tried to kill himself. I couldn't take it. I had to wake up. I slapped my head a few times but it didn't work. I was still inside the nightmare. Before I knew it I was getting pushed aside by several people and tears were running down my face. I turned around to see Jon looking at me. He gave me a guilty look and turned his back on me. There was nothing I wanted more than to wake up and forget about this. I couldn't take it any longer. I started running away from the crime scene. That's when I saw Sarah outside one of the shops on the street across the road. She was staring at me. Yes, this is where it all happened. The place where I made up my mind for sure. This was where I decided I wanted to be with Sarah. I couldn't face looking Ryan in the eyes after what had happened. I still found it hard to this day. If it wasn't for me then he would never have tried to commit suicide. That's why I chose her. There weren't hundreds of memories attached to her. Sarah was my escape.


End file.
